late nights - apparently this is what happens.

First of all, I would like to say that I absolutely SHOULD be working on my big paper and presentation that are both due tomorrow (today) evening.

To go to the doctor, or not to go to the doctor...? You see, some days are just fine. Everything is under control. But then, the next day, or sometimes even within the exact same day,

nothing is right.
nothing is fine.
everything is scary.
between fight and flight, flight is definitely winning.

But surely I'm over-reacting. Just because I like to listen to sad songs to make myself more sad and frustrated doesn't make me crazy, right?

My thoughts bounce around like the skinny kid in a bounce house - they just get so jumbled. Which is probably why any posts I make on here aren't going to make any sense. And I don't even know if they will help me.

But I think that I do want to go see the doctor about getting on medication. All of the independent research that I've been doing should be investigated or confirmed by someone who is an actual doctor.

.................................................................................................................................

Just broke down. Actual anxiety attack. No real reason, but I'm so tired, and my eyes hurt so bad. And I've been crying and clutching the pillow.

Still have homework. Everyone's asleep.

The only one who's like everyone else

I'm sure we all go through these things... Surely I'm not the only one. Well, I know that I'm not, but I'm tired to boring the same friends with the same whining. 

I've recently been "diagnosed" with anxiety. I put quotes around that because I'm not sure if that's the right word, but according to the counselor I am on the 2nd most anxious level of anxiety that I could be. I've felt these feelings before, but they went away. These days, they never go away. 

This blog will serve as my record of what's going on with all of this. I would never claim that my experience is the typical anxious experience, but I like to think that there are other people out there who will genuinely understand what I'm going through.

STORY TIME: I actually had an anxiety attach today. It came out of nowhere, and even though I knew that it was COMPLETELY irrational, it got to me. People get so accustomed to me being this outgoing, fun, lively person, and that's the persona that I'm expected to maintain. So today, when I got to lunch and wasn't very chatty, automatically it's assumed that I'm in a bad mood, or something bad happened, or that I'm being a Negative Nancy. So after lunch, I barely held it together. I was going between sad, frustrated, angry, and tired. So I said that I had a headache, and cleaned my apartment all afternoon. I guess that's how I deal with things, for now.