1) Trigger.
--This was what set me off, I think. He broke up with me, and absolutely broke my heart in the process. Even to this day, when I look or even think back to what happened, I still get teary or even cry.
--After this happened, I forced myself to push the though of what happened and his memory out of my head. I really didn't think about it for months at a time.
2) New work stresses.
--There were a lot of changes in the fall semester to my work duties, and that added on just general stress in my life.
--I tried to leave my job. I started looking around just to get out of this town.
3) Dating app.
--I thought it was about time to at least try meeting new people, so I joined a dating app/website. I spoke to a few guys here and there, and then "met" someone who seemed pretty great.
--Dave was from a couple hours away, and he had a kid. But we got along really well, we could talk on the phone for hours at a time, and we "talked" for a couple months. The day before he was going to come visit me, I told him not to come - that I couldn't handle it. I ran away.
4) Christmas break.
--I was stuck here over Christmas through the day after Christmas. I had a lot of time to myself, and this was right after I had told Dave to not come. My thoughts were really getting the better part of me.
5) Anxiety attack #1.
--I freaked out before the semester even started for the spring semester. I thought that I couldn't do this job, that I needed to move and get out of here, and what was I thinking that I could still do this and take classes.
6) Counseling.
--I finally went to counseling and starting talking about all of my random thoughts/emotions.
7) Spring stress.
--I stayed pretty stressed for this first part of the spring semester. Between work, classes, and learning more about/dealing with the anxiety, I tended to procrastinate on everything and never accomplish anything.
8) Anxiety attack #2.
--When I had my panic attack in the middle of the night (previous post), it was a scary feeling. I wrote all about it, because I was in the middle of posting (and procrastinating) when it happened.
9) Medication.
--I finally convinced myself to go to the on-campus doctor and try to get some medication to manage the anxiety. She prescribed some Zoloft to me, and I'm on the fifth day now. I don't think it's all in my head - I really think that it's starting to help.
This is how I feel sometimes:
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